


If Something Goes Wrong...

by constantconfusion14



Series: MLB Oneshots [7]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chat doesn't know what a funeral is and he's cute, Dark Humor, Definite Gen Z vibes don't @ me, Gen, Ladynoir | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug, Mention of Death, but no one dies its just hypothetical, it sounds angsty but its not I promise, not beta read because I don't have an excuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:40:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27156067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constantconfusion14/pseuds/constantconfusion14
Summary: Chat tries to discuss his funeral plans with Ladybug just in case something ‘goes wrong’. Ladybug quickly realizes Chat has no idea what a serious funeral is supposed to be like.
Relationships: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir
Series: MLB Oneshots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765765
Comments: 36
Kudos: 129
Collections: LoveSquare





	If Something Goes Wrong...

**Author's Note:**

> CoStar (my horoscope app) told me to try dark humor today so I actually finished this WIP and posted it. Guess the stars just aligned *shrug*. Enjoy!!

It must’ve been their most pathetic excuse for a patrol yet, but both heroes were exhausted and neither felt like moving. Laying with her head next to Chat’s, their bodies extended in opposite directions, just felt so... _ calming _ . The solid rooftop against her back grounded Ladybug into the serenity of the moment. Although not exactly comfortable, she found her eyes slipping closed and her thoughts fading to a lull. Chat’s steady breathing next to her was reassuring. Surely, it would be fine if she just took a short nap? Of course it would be smarter to swing home and de-transform for the night, but she was just  _ so _ comfortable here. Without having to ask, she knew Chat would watch her if anything came up. All she needed was to close her eyes for just a few minutes…

“I wrote a will yesterday.” The boy’s voice startled Ladybug back to cognizance. 

“Huh?” She spoke with absolute eloquence. 

“My will. Ya know, the thing that tells people what to do after you die? I wrote one yesterday.”

Ladybug scrunched her eyebrows but kept her focus on the crystal clear sky above. “Why?”

His voice was playful and lighthearted, not at all what she’d expect from a conversation like this. “Well, I do deal with dangerous akumas and sentimonsters almost on a daily basis. I figured it would be a good idea to have something like that for my family. Just in case I bite it one of these days.”

Ladybug scoffed. “Chat, you’re not going to die anytime soon. You’re fine.”

He chortled at her. “Uh...I’m not sure what you’d considered being wiped from existence and used as an energy source for a girl on rollerblades, but I’d call it dying. Or, being evaporated in a video game, or having my essence sucked into a disco ball. Not to mention that time a were-wolf father almost killed me or that time I got cataclys-”

“Okay, okay fine. We don’t have the safest jobs. But my cure always fixes you and brings you back. Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about long term effects. So we’re good.” The desire to  _ not _ talk about this topic won over Ladybug and she dismissed his concerns in lieu of something much less stressful and haunting. Like napping. 

Chat just grunted in displeasure and they fell back to silence. Ladybug looked back up at the night sky. On days like this, she cursed the light pollution for not allowing her to see more stars or the milky way itself. But living in the heart of Paris pretty much made up for it. The sounds of the city droned on in the background, lulling her back into a sleep state. Soon enough, her eyelids felt like weights on her face and began drooping again. 

“But,  _ just in case _ , I have a question for you.” Chat Noir’s voice once again interrupted her state of peace. 

Ladybug sighed inwardly. “Alright. Shoot.”

“Would you do the speech thingy?” He asked hesitantly. 

Ladybug tilted her head towards him for the first time. “The what?”

“On TV there’s always one important person who stands up and gives a heartwarming speech about how great the dead guy was and how much he’ll be missed. Would you do that for me?” He remained as he was, eyes fixed on the sky above. 

“Do you mean a eulogy?”

“Maybe?” He shrugged his shoulders against the roof. “I don’t know what it’s called.”

“Uh...sure. I guess?”

“Why do you sound so unsure?”

For the first time, Ladybug was forced to think about  _ what _ her or Chat’s funeral would look like if either of the heroes were to cease to exist. Would there be two separate ceremonies? One for their civilian selves and one for the hero? Or would they be combined into one? Would their identity be revealed to all of Paris? Would random people show up, like for a celebrity? Ladybug didn’t want that. She wanted something personal, with people who truly knew her in life and cared for her. She wanted people that would truly mourn her to send her off into whatever afterlife waited for her. But even at a private funeral, she’d want Chat there. Would he know who she was? Would he show up in costume or as a regular teenager? How would he explain his connection to Marinette? What would-

“Milady, I can literally hear you overthinking.” Chat poked her head gently. Ladybug swatted his hand away. 

“I think you just opened a can of worms. And I have no idea how to close it.”

“Right??” Chat whipped around suddenly, laying on his stomach now and looking at his partner. “Like, what if we both go  _ ka-put _ at the same time? Are they going to have one funeral for the both of us? I think that would be weird, don’t you? What would the color scheme even be? Red and black? That’s so angsty. Red and green? That’s too much of a Christmas vibe.”

Now it was Ladybug’s turn to roll over and face him. But her movements were much more languid than his. “Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean ‘color scheme’? Have you even ever  _ been _ to a funeral? The color scheme is always black. Or, at least dark colors.”

Chat pursed his lips. “Well that’s depressing. And no, I actually haven’t been to a funeral. My father says it wouldn’t be healthy for me.”

“Well that’s messed up.”

“Eh, it has its perks. Clearly, I’m not brainwashed like the rest of you.  _ My _ funeral isn’t going to be sad and depressing. It’s going to be a freaking party.” He made the rock and roll hand signal and pumped it back and forth.

Ladybug laughed incredulously. “Chat, you can’t have a party as a funeral.”

“And why not?”

“Because it would be disrespectful!”

“Would it though? If I requested people to wear fun colors and have a great time celebrating my life, wouldn’t it be more disrespectful if people  _ didn’t _ do that?”

Marinette’s morals battled inside of her. Funerals were  _ sad _ , they were about missing the person you’d lost and finding solace with loved ones. But Chat did have a point. Weren’t they  _ supposed _ to be about celebrating the person’s life? Not crying over their death?

“I...I guess.” Was all she could think to reply. 

“Exactly! So here’s what I’m thinking.” He sat up in a criss-cross so he could use his arms to explain his vision. “There’s gonna be color everywhere. Probably a lot of green ‘cause honestly it’s one of my favorites. But I want everyone to be wearing really colorful clothing. It’s going to look like a rainbow puked. And! Everyone has to have ray ban sunglasses on. It’ll be required for entry.”

“ _ What? _ ” Ladybug interjected but he kept going.

“Wait, wait, I’m not done. Instead of greeting each other with hugs, they’ll have to make finger guns at each other because I think that would be hilarious. I want there to be a photobooth, too. Like at weddings. And people will get an extra party gift if they wear the accessories from the photobooth when they come to visit the casket.” Ladybug stared at him with concern but he continued. What exactly did he mean by party gift? He really  _ hadn’t _ been to a funeral, had he?

“For my ‘dead outfit’ I’m thinking something along the lines of a Sailor Moon costume.”

Marinette wheezed.

Chat smirked back at her. “It would be pretty suave to go out as Tuxedo Mask, but Plagg and I talked it over. My transformation sequence just  _ radiates  _ magical girl energy. Given my flowing blonde locks and my tendency to be a hopeless romantic, I’m leaning towards Sailor Venus.” He dramatically flipped his hair as he spoke.

Ladybug shook her head in disbelief. “This is insane. You can’t-”

He cut her off. “Once everyone had been thoroughly humbled by my presence, you’ll take the stage or podium or whatever and you  _ have  _ to be wearing Ladybug themed ray bans, no arguing with that. Actually, I want you to be dressed like Ladybug, but not transformed. It doesn’t even have to be a good costume. Make people question whether you are Ladybug or just some cosplayer. But your speech needs to focus on all the ridiculous things I did. Make people laugh. It’ll be way better than some boring sob fest.” He sent her a smile as wide as a shoreline and his eyes twinkled with amusement. 

Ladybug was silent for a moment, contemplating whether or not he was serious. But his smile remained unmoveable and she came to the unfortunate conclusion that this might’ve been what he  _ actually  _ wanted as a funeral. She spoke semi-hesitantly, still waiting for him to crack up laughing at his ‘joke’. He never did. “I’m not doing any of that, Chat.”

His face fell. “Aw! Come on! They’re my final wishes!”

Now Ladybug pushed herself into a sitting position. “No! You can’t make your funeral into a meme.”

“Why not? I lived as I died: a joke. Ba-da tssst” He played an imaginary drum set and sent another smile. 

“No, stop that! That’s not funny.” She swatted his imaginary drumsticks away but a smile still crept across her lips. 

“Pfft, it’s hilarious. I know my friends would appreciate it.”

“Okay, okay, hold on. If I’m going to be part of this dream-funeral you’re planning, then I get to have some say in it.” She raised her eyebrows, daring him to challenge her. 

“What?? It’s  _ my _ funeral! You’re not allowed to have any say in it.”

“By putting me in charge of your eulogy, you’re literally giving me a say in it.”

He scrunched his face but finally yielded. “Okay, fine. What do you want?”

“I’ll dress up, but it’s not going to be as myself.” He began to protest, but she stopped him. “Ah, wait a second. I’ll make a Chat Noir costume. It is a celebration of you, afterall.” 

His face exploded with ecstasy. “Lady Noire! YES! Even better!” He threaded his fingers together like a fangirl meeting her teenage heartthrob.

Ladybug raised an eyebrow. “I mean, that’s not what I meant originally, but sure. If it makes you that happy. But for the speech? I’m not going to write something with the sole purpose of making people laugh.” Her voice became slightly more serious. “I want them to know who you were, as a person. So if they cry, you can’t blame me. But it’s going to be heartfelt, I can tell you that right now.”

Chat suddenly got very serious. He dropped his arms to his sides and pushed them against the roof, leaning closer to Ladybug. His voice was lower and demanded her attention. “Ladybug, I swear to all things miraculous if you finally admit you love me at my  _ funeral, _ I  _ will _ come back and haunt you for the rest of your life.”

Ladybug’s eyes went wide for a minute but then she cracked like a glow stick. Giggles burst out of her uncontrollably and she held her stomach and mouth to try and quite the awful noises she was making. After about a minute, she’d gotten herself under control and looked back at her partner. He just raised an eye at her. 

“I’m serious, LB. Don’t make me come out of the afterlife to follow you around for eternity.”

“Oh, kitty. Don’t you already know that I love you?”

He waved her off. “Yeah, yeah.” Then he heightened his voice in mockery of her. “I love you  _ so _ platonically, Chat Noir! You’re the best cat-friend a girl could have!”

Ladybug slapped his shoulder for the insult. He instantly reached up and rubbed the area where her hand hit. “ _ Ow! _ ”

“That’s not what I sound like!”

He continued holding his shoulder. “It’s what you sound like to me!” He joked back, sticking his tongue out while simultaneously wincing in anticipation of another smack. But Ladybug’s shoulders dropped with seriousness and she looked at the ground. 

Chat picked up on the change of demeanor immediately. “Ladybug…?” He tested. 

Marinette looked up with fake tears pooling in her eyes. She sniffled for dramatic effect and Chat fell hook, line, and sinker for her act. “No! Milady, I’m so sorry! I was just teasing! I didn’t-”

Ladybug snorted and dropped her performance. “Gotcha! My goodness, you fall for that everytime, Chaton.”

He just stared at her, open-mouth and shocked. “Wow, that’s the last time you get my sympathy. You know, one of these days you’re actually going to be upset and you’ll come crying to me for support. And what am I gonna do? I’ll laugh at you because I’ll think you’re joking but you’ll actually be upset and then I’m gonna feel like a jerk and-”

Ladybug grabbed his hand, lifted it to her mouth and planted a kiss on the back of it. “You’re fine. Stop complaining.” She smiled at the immediate redness that expanded across his cheeks against his will. The pout of a toddler appeared on his face and he looked back at her before pulling his hand back and burying his face in his palms.

“All I wanted was your help in planning a nice funeral. But  _ noooooo _ . For some reason you feel like torturing me tonight.”

Ladybug stood and offered her hand down to Chat. He looked up with a slight smile and accepted the gesture. “If it makes you feel any better, your funeral sounds pretty great.”

Chat scoffed. “That sounds bad, but I do take it as a compliment.” He pulled out his staff and whistled. “Welp, looks like it's time for me to be heading home.” His staff extended to about his height but he looked at his partner once more before taking off. 

“Thanks, Ladybug. I know it was a weird conversation, but I feel better having a plan just in case something were to go wrong.”

She looked at him skeptically. “Chat Noir, if something ‘goes wrong’, I  _ will _ personally kill you.”

He looked puzzled but smirked. He took a step and invaded her personal space, but Marinette left her body language and comfortable and open. “That goes for you too, little Lady.”

Then he took a large step back and prepared to vault into the night. Ladybug pulled her hands to her hips. “‘Little Lady?’ That’s a new one. I’m not sure I’m a fan.”

He turned around and blew her a kiss. “It’s because you’re short.” He cackled and then vanished into the night. 

Ladybug just stood in his wake holding her hand out, palms facing the sky in offense. She ran to the edge of the roof and called after him. “That doesn’t even make sense! I-I’m not short! You’re just freakishly tall for your age!” Parisians on the streets below looked up at her with confusion. Ladybug smiled impishly and backed away where they couldn’t see her. 

“Stupid cat.” She grumbled as she pulled her yo-yo off her waist. 

When she finally arrived home, Tikki questioned why she was pouring over some random speech when there was plenty of homework she had to finish. Marinette waved her kwami off and insisted the speech was just as important. 

Afterall, it was a special request from Chat Noir. Who was she to deny him his final wishes?

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to find me on tumblr @constantconfusion14!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Prepared](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27173078) by [kingxuppu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingxuppu/pseuds/kingxuppu)




End file.
